The Secret Keepers
by Sarah1281
Summary: Renai had never realized how difficult it might be to be the one that was never truly involved but the one who remembers. Fortunately, she doesn't have to shoulder that burden alone.


"I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you," Renai admitted.

Lorraine smiled and sipper her coffee. "I completely understand. I was in the same position after Elise erased Josh's memories of his travels. It wasn't just gratitude that kept us so close for all those years. I needed her to remind me that I wasn't crazy. That all of this was so far beyond me but it was real and she understood. I could never tell Josh but I could talk to her."

Renai sighed and looked away. "I can never tell Josh either. It's one thing not to tell Dalton. All those weeks he spent imprisoned in that…that nightmare reality. We were so worried about him but we just couldn't reach him and all that time he must have been so afraid. I wonder when it was he even realized it wasn't a dream."

"Dalton's just a child, yes," Lorraine agreed. "It's better that he not know. But it's harder not being able to tell Josh. If Josh's father had still been…Well I wouldn't have liked to keep it from him, either."

"I never used to believe in hypnotism," Renai said. "Back in school whenever they had a hypnotist come I never wanted to go up. I couldn't explain it but I was so sure it wouldn't work on me."

"Maybe it wouldn't have. I'm no expert but I think there has to be an element of willingness," Lorraine replied. "Josh and Dalton both wanted to forget. Josh wanted to forget back then, too."

"It's just remarkable how well the hypnosis worked," Renai said. "Josh remembers that Dalton was in a coma. Dalton doesn't remember anything because he was in the Further but he accepts he was in a coma. The official story is that we have no idea why Dalton was in a coma or why he woke up and since we're just the family and not the doctors we don't have to explain anything. Only now Dalton and Josh believe it, too."

"And what about the days that Josh was possessed?" Lorraine asked.

Renai scratched her leg, considering. "I've tried to subtly ask them about it. I don't want them to get suspicious or suddenly send their memories flooding back."

"You won't," Lorraine assured her. "I outright told Josh about his past experiences and the hypnosis held so he still didn't remember. That's why he had to have his younger self show him where Parker Crane was."

Renai shook her head. "I still don't understand how the present-day Josh was able to communicate with his child self. It wasn't just a vision or an imprint or something because you said back then Josh really did point the way like my Josh asked and so he was able to go where he needed to go. And then Josh himself was the cause of some of the disturbances we had before we realized the truth about Dalton's coma…"

"I don't think we'll ever understand, at least not while we're living," Lorraine said.

Renai shuddered.

"What is it?"

"I was raised religious," Renai said. "But I used to hate going to services. I stopped going the moment my parents couldn't make me go anymore. I don't think I ever really stopped believing, I just wanted a break. And you know how Josh is about religion. But when I first became pregnant with Dalton I knew I wanted to raise him with faith and so I started going back."

Lorraine nodded slowly, clearly not sure where she was going with this.

"But that was just it. It was faith. Now I know for sure what happens after you die and, though I didn't see it, it's not anything like what I thought. And it's terrifying. The Further with all those nightmarish creatures who attacked us and possessed my husband and son. And what Parker said to me about how I wasted all that time being afraid of the dark and ghosts when I should have been counting my blessings that I was still alive? I won't always be alive."

Lorraine nodded again. "I think I'm a little closer to death than you are and you're right; it is frightening. But I had a very similar talk with Elise once and while she didn't have all the answers then, though perhaps she does now, she did have more insight into the Further and life after death than either of us."

Renai's hands tightened around her coffee cup. "What did she say about it?"

"She said she's rarely met a purely benign spirit. She may have gotten guidance every now and then, and Carl thought he was speaking to Elise when we were investigating Parker, but nothing more than that. Usually if the spirits aren't outright malevolent then she's gotten mischievous spirits. Why is that, do you think?" Lorraine asked.

Renai frowned, thinking about it. "Maybe the Further is so bad that it twists even the best of people into those horrors?"

"That's a possibility, yes," Lorraine agreed. "Or maybe the benign spirits just don't interfere with us unless they are called upon to help. But all the spirits that I've had described to me, by Elise or the boys or even you, have been malevolent ones. Or at least highly creepy ones which I'm putting down in the malevolent category anyway. What if the Further is only where the bad ones go? The ones like serial killer Parker or his child abusing mother. The ones that want to hurt people and would imprison Dalton."

"That is a comforting thought," Renai said slowly. "I don't suppose I'll ever know until it's my time."

"What we choose to believe will ultimately not change what is," Lorraine said sagely. "So why not believe something comforting in the meantime?"

"Ah, I never answered you about what our boys remember about Josh's possession, did I?" Renai asked rhetorically, snapping her fingers. "It was only a few days, as you said. I may not have realized that my husband was gone immediately but I can at least say it wasn't long before I got suspicious. Dalton remembers coming out of the coma and being pampered and worried over. There's not much for him to forget, just that last afternoon when he came home from school and someone who looked like his father was trying to kill me."

"And Josh?"

"It's remarkable. He can't possibly remember Dalton waking up because he wasn't there for that and yet he doesn't seem to notice the missing memories. I can see how he might not notice a few missing days but to not remember his own son coming out of a coma and then not realizing he doesn't remember it?" Renai asked, shaking her head. "I just don't understand it."

"Carl is very good at what he does," Lorraine said. "There were no long periods of time to account for or major events to account for when Josh forgot the first time but he never seemed to notice any gaps in his memory."

"I'm just…I guess I'm just concerned," Renai admitted. "And I wish I could talk to Josh about all of this but I know that I can't because he'd never believe me. It took a lot and the prospect of our son never waking up before he was willing to entertain the idea the first time. And he forgot for a reason so, if he had all the information, he wouldn't thank me for bringing that into his life again."

"Well you can talk to me," Lorraine said warmly, placing her hand on the table. "I may not be Josh but I've been right where you are and I remember what my son can't."

"I understand why Josh and Dalton forgot. I can't even imagine what it's like to be trapped in the Further. Just to go into it sounds horrifying even if Dalton wasn't scared and went exploring. The kind of psychological damage that must do to someone…" Renai shook her head. "I don't know. I'm not a psychologist. Dalton didn't seem all that different but he only remembered for a few days after waking up. Who knows what might have happened if he grew with the knowledge?"

"They both wanted to forget. Nothing good had come from the Further and they both could have been lost forever. We all nearly died," Lorraine said. "They just wanted to be normal and to pretend none of it ever happened. Who wouldn't take that chance to rid themselves of traumatizing memories?"

"I didn't," Renai said quietly.

"No, neither did I," Lorraine replied. "I would argue that our experiences were not so harrowing as our boys' experiences. We may have been nearly murdered by a ghost wearing Josh's skin but when that becomes the less upsetting experience you know that something is seriously wrong. Why did you choose to remember? I suspect it's for the same reason I did."

Renai took her time coming up with an answer. "I have to remember. Dalton spent weeks trapped in the Further because we had no idea. If we had we could have rescued him right away and maybe avoided losing Josh as well."

Lorraine winced. "I should have said something."

"How could you have known? The minute that you heard that we suspected the supernatural you told us," Renai insisted. "If Dalton or Josh couldn't avoid going into the Further again then if they remembered they could know to protect themselves. Now if it happens they won't know. If they think it's a dream again then we're right back where we started."

"As far as I know, Josh never went into the Further again once Elise helped him," Lorraine offered. "Though if he did really think it was a dream and was lucky enough not to be captured or followed back then I wouldn't know."

Renai nodded. "I don't know if they could choose to go into the Further or not. I never thought to ask and now it's too late. But I'm not too worried about Josh. He needed Elise to manually send him there after years of no incidents. But what about Dalton? Will he be that lucky? Will the hypnosis that made him forget about the Further keep him from returning there?"

"We can ask Carl," Lorraine offered. "He might not know but we could at least try."

"And even if Dalton and Josh are safe, what about Foster and Cali?" Renai asked. "What about any grandchildren I might have? It's apparently genetic." She paused and looked at Lorraine with new eyes. "Do you think you ever went to the Further? Was it Josh's father? Or did whatever mutation or whatever start with him?"

"I never heard of anything like the Further or saw anything supernatural before Josh started showing signs," Lorraine said. "But that doesn't mean that my parents didn't do for me what I did for Josh and erase my memory of it. Or maybe my husband either knew or didn't and experienced the Further. If he did, he never mentioned it. I still can't help but think that I could have saved us all so much pain by just not taking Josh with me to work that day. I know that I couldn't have known but if I had just kept him away from Parker Crane while he was alive maybe he wouldn't have fixated on Josh so much after death."

"I understand that, I do," Renai said, leaning forward earnestly. "But Lorraine, you were the one who found Elise for us. Without you, even if we tried to find some sort of medium or psychic who is to say we would have found one that was genuine and powerful enough to help us? Or one that would have come back after Josh threw her out the first time? Without Josh's experience as a child, Dalton might _still_ be trapped in the Further and we would have no idea how to help him."

Lorraine smiled wanly. "You're not wrong but it's hard to feel that the terror Josh went through as a child was for the best."

Renai brushed her hair behind her ears. "If the day comes that Foster or Cali or even Dalton again has another bad experience with the Further I'll be prepared. I only hope it won't kill anybody this time. We had a lucky escape with Carl and when Parker was trying to kill me and Dalton."

"I am sorry to have lost Elise," Lorraine said, sighing. "From what Specs and Tucker have said, she's doing quite well and is still eager to help people. But I still wish things could have been different."

"She knew. We had only just gone into the kitchen and she was there with Parker and somehow she knew. And that's why he killed her. She really was the best," Renai told her. "I'm going to remember her sacrifice even though the ones she made it for no longer do."

"It's all we can do," Lorraine replied. "Remember and be grateful. Cali, I understand, is far too young to be able to remember any of this and she wasn't even there when Parker came after you. But what about Foster? He didn't get hypnotized. What does he know?"

"Not much," Renai said. "I didn't want to lie to him but he's too young to keep secrets. I think when he's older I'll tell him the truth, unless he has an experience like Dalton's and chooses to forget of course. He seemed to accept it when I told him that Daddy got very sick and didn't mean to hurt Mommy but that he's all better now and it won't happen again and he shouldn't talk about it to anyone except Mommy. I don't think he's said anything yet because Dalton or Josh would tell me if he said anything to them and if he says anything to anybody else I'm pretty sure I'd get a call from child services."

Lorraine nodded. "I don't want to think about what would happen if he tried asking Josh about him strangling you. But you're right that telling a stranger would be worse."

"And while Josh and Dalton honestly wouldn't believe that happened, I'm sure child services are all too used to the parents denying that any abuse is happening. I can't imagine Parker attacking me is a sight that Foster will soon forget, assuming no hypnosis of course, and he might even welcome the explanation. One day he's going to have some questions about that 'sickness.' For now, I've been telling Foster and Dalton that if they ever dream that they can see their bodies sleeping they should stay in their room where it's safe and not go get lost because if they go too far they might not wake up like Dalton," Renai said. "Depending on how that works and if I come up with a better way, I might do the same thing with Cali when she gets older."

Lorraine bit her lip consideringly. "That could work. They're young enough to believe something like that and when they get old enough not to they might grow out of visiting the Further or at least be able to protect themselves better."

"It's my hope that our family is never touched by that world again but I'm not sure I believe that we'll get that even if Josh and Dalton are past that," Renai said. "I feel like a bad mother for frightening my children with stories like that but I'm just trying to protect them."

"What does Josh think?"

Renai sighed. "He doesn't approve of me frightening the boys. He says I don't remember how easily spooked kids are at that age and keeps assuring them that they won't get lost in dreams and go into a coma like Dalton. But at that age, kids are more likely to believe that there's a monster under the bed than their dad promising that there's no such thing as monsters."

"If only he knew," Lorraine said a little wistfully.

"We did talk about it a little, Josh and I. He ever wrote down everything he could remember about the Further and everything that Dalton told him. I've hidden the notebook away so he won't stumble across it one day and have questions I can't answer but if we need it it will be there," Renai said. "If we need information or Josh needs to be convinced again. He tried so hard to reach me but he never quite did. He played my song while Parker clearly had no idea what our song was. I should have known he wouldn't have forgot. Maybe if I were less used to the hauntings I would have suspected, I don't know."

"Most people wouldn't have suspected as quickly as you did, Renai, you have nothing to blame yourself for," Lorraine said firmly. "And letting Parker know that you were suspicious without backup would have just gotten you and the children killed. You saw how he reacted when he realized that you knew the truth."

Renai smiled ruefully. "In the movies, I always used to ask why they didn't just move out of the haunted house. Well when it happened to me I tried that and Josh thought I was crazy but he went along with the expense and the inconvenience because he loved me."

"Well if it had been the house it would have worked," Lorraine pointed out. "And you didn't just ignore the situation, you took steps to fix it and you got help and no one died."

"No one but Elise," Renai corrected.

Lorraine nodded but her voice remained resolute. "It could have been much worse."

"I don't know how I'm going to go back to normal after all of this," Renai confessed. "Especially with trying to keep Foster quiet and Dalton and Josh having no idea."

"I didn't know how I would manage it, either," Lorraine told her. "That's why I needed Elise. But she told me that I didn't have to worry about how I would get back to normal because I already was."

"Already was?" Renai repeated.

"After Dalton woke up you went back to normal," Lorraine said. "When we got Josh back you went back to normal. When Josh and Dalton forgot you went back to normal. You've been living normal for weeks now and you can spend all the time you want trying to figure out how to be normal but you're already there. It's just your life."

Renai cocked her head. "It's strange to think of it that way. I keep thinking about this whole new world that's opened up but it hasn't really opened up to me, has it? I think I noticed the hauntings more than anybody but they started when Dalton was lost in the Further and kept going after Parker was masquerading as my husband. They're gone now and aren't likely to return unless Foster or Cali have their own problems with the supernatural. For all I know so much more than I did before, nothing's really changed. You're right. Or Elise is right, I guess."

"It's over, Renai. You may never have to deal with this again and if you do then you'll be prepared," Lorraine promised. "You certainly no more than I did at the time. I sometimes still ask myself how someone that looked like the person in the photos was able to befriend Josh in the Further. Perhaps Parker could be charming but all the pictures in that black wedding dress seemed to be sending out danger signals. At least he seemed to realize that it wasn't good when Parker began to follow him around in the real world."

"That reminds me," Renai said. "I can't believe you stepped forward with Specs and Tucker to say you solved the case of the Bride in Black serial killer."

"I don't know if it can ever be _proven _but we do have a compelling story. And I'm retired. I need a hobby. Why not write a book?" Lorraine asked rhetorically. "Maybe people will think it's silly that Specs and Tucker sensed something malevolent at the old hospital but then they'll just think it's a coincidence we found out the truth about Parker. And I was working with them in the first place as a way of grieving for my dear friend and their former employer Elise."

"You're making quite the sensation. Even if I didn't know the truth, that abandoned costume and the newspaper clippings paint a pretty good picture even not including the fact that the killings stop around the time Parker was hospitalized or the fact he was so…unwell. That's not what I'm concerned about, though. What about Josh and Dalton?" Renai asked.

Lorraine shrugged. "What about them? Josh doesn't remember Parker. He didn't even after I told him of their connection. And while we do have pictures of Parker in the wedding dress, we have no way to explain how we got them so we're just going to have an artist illustrate the photo. We'll need to take Josh out of the picture first so the story is that we think that is what Parker would have looked like while killing."

"It just seems so strange to write a book about all of this," Renai said.

"That man terrorized my family for long enough. I may as well get to tell the world the truth about him and give the families of those poor girls some peace," Lorraine said. "If it had been my child I would want to know. Oh, but Elise! What does Josh think happened about her death? He was questioned by the police. Or Parker was, rather."

"As a close friend of yours, she was just there for moral support while you came over to talk with us about what to do if Dalton never woke up," Renai responded. She made a face. "I hate how good I've become at lying, especially lying to Josh."

"I know, Renai, I know," Lorraine said softly.

"This is supposed to be a partnership. We had that before and I'm sure we'll have it again but right now what happened is just so fresh in my mind and it's like this wall whenever I think about it. He doesn't seem to have noticed but sooner or later he will and I don't want to cause problems but I don't know how to explain it," Renai said. "I hated what happened and wish none of it had ever happened to us. I wish we could have just been normal."

"I wish my secrecy hadn't hurt Dalton and made Josh vulnerable."

"But despite all of it, I really feel like this experience made me stronger," Renai mused. "I never thought I could fight for my life like that or solve an impossible problem like an unexplainable coma or a possessed husband. I think it did the same for Josh. He got to face old fears he had long-since forgotten about and – even if it took awhile – he came out on top. And there's something about plunging into the world of the supernatural together and fighting for our family that just brought us so much closer together. I never felt more connected to Josh than when he looked over at me with the boys in his arms and told me that he never stopped trying to reach me. He played our song. And even though I knew logically that it could just be a trick, in that moment I was sure. That was my husband. And the next few days were wonderful. I miss that."

"It can't be easy, going through such a terrible experience and then losing out on the only positive thing you gained from it," Lorraine said. "Suddenly you're alone with what happened."

"Not quite alone," Renai said, smiling at her suddenly. "I do have you."

"I wasn't around for most of it," Lorraine said.

"No but you're the one who figured out what was wrong with Josh," Renai pointed out. "I noticed it first but…I guess I didn't want it to be true. I should have trusted my instincts and next time I will. And I will also call for help in case it gets violent again."

"See, that's how you survive these things!" Lorraine exclaimed.

"They did what's best for them and I'm going to have to do what's best for me, too," Renai decided. "And in the meantime I am never watching another ghost movie. Ever. And demons are out, too. In fact, there will now be a moratorium on horror movies."

"Are you sure?" Lorraine asked. "You might get some good ideas just in case."

Renai nodded. "Yes, I'm very sure. We are going to be a normal family. We are going to have a normal life. And that is final."

"You never know what will happen with Foster and Cali," Lorraine pointed out.

"It's just like you said," Renai replied. "If anything happens then we'll do with it and then we're going straight back to normal."

"Such an interesting definition of normal!" Lorraine said, laughing. "I don't remember if I've told you this before, Renai, but you are everything I've ever wanted in a daughter-in-law."

Renai smiled, thanked her, and then the pair went back to discussing perfectly normal things about their perfectly normal lives.


End file.
